I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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