Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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