Can Purell be used as lube?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
