Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I supernannyed him into submission
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize