He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
