he puts the penis in happiness.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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