Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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