i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
