Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The power of my boobs compel you
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
