aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
