Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
