Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
