He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
