I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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