if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
