Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
