Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
