someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
