We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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