Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
third nipple confirmed
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
