Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
