I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
