The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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