It's a beautiful day for a hangover
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You were trust falling into bushes
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
