I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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