just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
