nut hugger
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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