Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
