You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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