If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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