mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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