If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
