I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
