I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
