I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
