i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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