Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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