yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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