final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
