Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
