So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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