Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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