went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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