I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
