I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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