I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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