My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
