You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
