i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
