no, he came in my armpit
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
