I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
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Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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