Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
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Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
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I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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