I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
