Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
