Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
