i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
