he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
