so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize