best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
