Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
