after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Pooping to opera.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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