I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
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There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
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I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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