And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
