Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
