he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
