Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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