Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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