just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
How external is "for external use only"?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
