did you get engaged???
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
