apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
high people should be assigned attendants
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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