Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
