so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
