She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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