Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
