I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
