im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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