Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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