Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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