Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
