i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
