There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
