you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Everclear isn't food dammit
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
