just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
