Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
